I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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