Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
