i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
