I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
