Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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