I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
