I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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