I swear she didn't look like that last week.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
