Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
