I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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