wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
