Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
