Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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