She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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