A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
