Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize