New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
