I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize