in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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