Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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