how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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