gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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