Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
