from now on my penis is your penis
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I love you.
Bad choice
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
