i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
