Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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