stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize