At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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