At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
