Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
