He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need a beard to bite.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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