Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
