i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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