weddingsv make me drug and hornr
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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