Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
