So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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