Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
