Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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