please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
