Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
