Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize