u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
