Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
