can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
