I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Don't make out with my wife yet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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