Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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