I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
