Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
