all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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