Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That was an excessively violent trivia night
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
