So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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