i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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