Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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