I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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