the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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