you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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