i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize