I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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