He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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