good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
