i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
