So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
