He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
