I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
