drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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