Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
