your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
