if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
