It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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