The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
