Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize