I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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