The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
