i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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